Sunday, November 2, 2008

don't dance by the monolators

A Monolators review: innocent fan-girl ravings, or method of drawing subtle attention to a other projects? Trick question -- it's both. I don't invite people I don't like to my "parties," and the Monolators' new offering Don't Dance provides plenty of reasons to refill the chip bowl and turn the stereo up to eleven.

Due to the influx of Halloween leftovers (Does anyone actually trick-or-treat anymore? Do I really need three dozen Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? Do I need medical attention to make my heart stop racing?), I am still in a perpetual state of over-sugaredness, thus making my love of power-punk-pop album Don't Dance even more acute -- even if the title clearly forbids my signature "Elaine Benes" style of bogeying down. "Don't dance" is, of course, an unreasonable demand: do you really expect me not to bust a move or two when faced with your inebriated Buddy Holly stichk? I'm only one woman. STOP THE MADNESS!

Let's take a look at the argument for dancing to The Monolators, or at the very least arrhythmicly bouncing along, shall we?

1. The total album running time is a shade under thirty-five minutes, during which the average dancing Would-Be Hipster will burn 205 calories; interestingly enough, this is the cooking time for an oven-baked dessert, thus allowing one to have her cake and eat it too.

2. Don't Dance is better than the Footloose soundtrack. (It terrifies me that in this argument, I've actually positioned myself as Kevin Bacon.)

3. The album is uptempo from start to finish. Slightly past the album's midway point, the song "I Heard Her Calling From Another Room" provides slightly slower pace, preventing heat attacks. (You ate that entire cake didn't you?)

4. Dancing is known to increase mood-elevating endorphins. With songs reminiscing about drinking airplane wine to forget a lover, and longing to see your lover's face and wipe away her tears (presumably the one you're drinking to forget on the way home?) chances are you're going to need ample mental diversion to forget your own past romantic issues. Melancholy set to uptempo, melodic punk -- don't try to tell us this isn't an open invitation to "dance it out."

5. Lead singer Eli Monolator has been quoted as saying "...there are eighty skillion bands here [Los Angeles] and all of them, without exception, can play better than we can." While I can't argue the validity of this statement (really...I'll send you some of my demos and then we'll talk), one can't deny the powers of distraction created by a sea of hipsters awkwardly swaying and weaving like bobble-head Wes Anderson characters.

The bottom line: The Monolators are a couple of jokesters. Go dance.

(photo monolators: Angela Maria Ortiz)

mp3: "I Must Be Dreaming" by The Monolators

No comments: